A friend of mine and I were texting recently. He was surprised to see how “quickly” my husband and I could fall in love again with other people.
I can’t speak for my husband. I can only speak for myself.
Just because he and I didn’t work out doesn’t mean I stopped loving people.
I didn’t fall out of love with my husband.
I still love him. Just in a different way now.
I don’t live with him anymore. And sometimes we have a hard time getting along as we co-parent our children.
But I still love who he is as a person. Because for all the difficulties and pain in our marriage, he still deserves love. From me, from his girlfriend (though admittedly my ego has trouble with that at times).
But I am, by and large, a loving person.
I love not just one person, but everyone, most especially those who are warm, kind and loving. I even try to love the people who aren’t so kind and so loving, who are bitter, and judgmental and closed-off, but I definitely do not keep company with them. I no longer stay where I’m not wanted or stay where I will be mistreated.
But there are some people I can meet just once and have such a remarkable feeling of kindredship with that there is no question I’m going to be able to love that person more dearly than some others. Because of how loving THEY are and how good it feels to let love flow instead of damming it up or hoarding it just for one person.
That’s not what Love is.
Love is not a commodity to be hoarded, but a gift to be given away anyone who wants or needs it.
It’s easy to be affectionate and loving towards a person like that. It doesn’t mean I will have a romantic relationship with that person. Just that I will love them and how they are in the world.
Someone who is so kind and open-hearted and loving will get me to embrace them with kindness and a loving, open heart right back.
They ask nothing in return. They just love because it feels good to love.
People like this just make it so easy for you to love them.
And I met someone just like this, who reminds me every day that no matter what came before, I am not my mistakes, and whatever trials I face, I don’t have to face them alone. Someone I love in more than just a platonic way.
Someone who shows me, day after day, that he is there for me consistently. Who teaches me every day what healthy relationship and communication is supposed to look like.
And so yes, if my friend is so surprised at how “quickly” I could come to love again, then it’s a shame, because it seems that person doesn’t know how Love works.
Love heals. Love transforms. Love never fails, though people often fail each other.
Love is the same in all of us. We are merely the conduits of Love.
And if we don’t feel loved, if we can’t love so easily after loss, it’s not because Love went away. It’s because we armored our hearts against Love.
It is surprisingly easy to love when you don’t shut Love out.