For those of you that still can go home for the holidays.

I can’t go home for Thanksgiving. My mother is mad at me for my husband leaving me this year. She blames me for everything that went wrong in this marriage.

And what’s more, she completely rejects the new man in my life. She ignored him when I tried to introduce him to her at a wedding a couple of weeks ago. She brushed right past us when she left without saying goodbye.

My ex’s mother said my ex could bring his new girlfriend to Thanksgiving. That’s really sweet of her. She’s doing parenting right.

As for me, I’m not going home for Thanksgiving. I’m not going home for Christmas either. There’s no point. She doesn’t need to see me, or her grandkids.

It’s not that I hate my mother. I don’t. This is who she has been my ENTIRE life. Withholding love and support when I do something she doesn’t like and treated each and every boy I liked with cold disapproval.

I am not ever going to be what my mother wants me to be. And that’s all right. I don’t blame her for that. I don’t blame her for being a cold, heartless woman with no capacity for empathy, warmth or acceptance.

I won’t be alone this Thanksgiving, though. I’ll be spending it quietly with my sweetheart and with a dear friend of ours. I positively can not wait to go where my company is wanted.

My life is not at all like I envisioned it when I first got married. And that’s okay. I still appreciate the journey I’ve been on, though the path is difficult and lonely at times. I’ve come through some really tough stuff and I know I’m stronger for it, and unlike my mother, a great deal more compassionate for having been through what I’ve been through.

I hope as you gather with your family around the Thanksgiving table, that you still feel you belong. Even if your crazy uncle Louie drinks a little too much, or your Aunt Mabel pinches your cheeks in that way you hate or your siblings find fault with your your hairstyle/your clothes/your girl/boyfriend and your mom says “when are you going to get a “real” job?”

There’s a LOT of people out there who just can’t go home and who are trying to face another holiday filled with rejection and just trying to make it through without hurting themselves because of it.

Enjoy the chaos of imperfect human beings and the comedic clash of personalities gathered ’round the table.

Sit back, enjoy the show, and give thanks that you CAN still go home

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About Casey

“the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes ‘Awww!’ ~ Jack Kerouac, On The Road Again
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