A short update

So, I know I probably ought to update on how things have been here at the house of crazy.

Short update:  A little over a week ago, my husband walked out on me and our daughters, again, for the fourth time.  The very next day, I changed the locks so he couldn’t get back in.  I opened up a new checking account in my name.  And I’ve taken my name off of our credit cards.

After three days of trying to be separated, it became clear he wasn’t serious, nor prepared to really stay gone.  Besides, it is nearly impossible to get myself to my job when I have to leave for work BEFORE my kids do.

He is back home, for now.

We aren’t fighting, and I’m not angry.

I just hope that in time, we can get to a point where we can afford to separate.  Cuz if my husband was a friend, and we weren’t legally bound to each other, I’d have no problem saying, “sorry, this just isn’t working for me.”

In the meantime, I’m just doing what I can to find a little bit of joy.

And I’ve got pictures to prove it.  I will be sharing in the next few posts.

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About Casey

“the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes ‘Awww!’ ~ Jack Kerouac, On The Road Again
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5 Responses to A short update

  1. All of your fights and separations are 100% causing permanent damage/harm to your children. There is no excuse for that. There are ways to make it work if you choose to but you find it easier for yourself, not the children, to keep taking him back. That is clearly showing your children, especially your daughters, to accept these things and to accept being unhappy even though there is the choice to be happy. You are teaching your children to stay in bad situations and to accept mistreatment. You are teaching your children that you are not strong enough to stand on your own. Children learn and mimic everything that they are raised seeing. The old saying “do as I say and not as I do” is nothing but an oxymoron and saying something like that to children is idiotic and completely unproductive. You are completely molding your child’s psyche (hence their entire future) because they are watching and copying your every behavior and thought process. Every little thing that you do and say can adversely affect their mental health for the rest of their lives. You are shaping their entire future because if they are mentally unhealthy their future will be much less happy and productive. 1 in 4 adults has some form of diagnosable mental illness caused from unresolved childhood trauma and mental illness is the cause of homelessness, crime, chemical dependency, violence, and more abuse/neglect. Children are totally and completely products of their environment. It disgusts me when I see so many parents drugging their children when the fact is that children act out their aggression, frustration, and pain. Change their environment and you will change the child’s behavior. Most of the children who are drugged in the United States are drugged ONLY to pacify the parents, who are quite obviously doing a poor job while blaming the child.

  2. Casey says:

    Wow!

    That’s a little 1) extreme and 2) judgmental and 3) based on scant evidence that I’m providing, but I’m leaving the comment here, for now. I’ll take your thoughts into consideration.

    Kids need to know that adults can make poor judgment calls and not only survive, but that there is forgiveness and grace to be had.

    I will do what needs to be done to help with their emotional security. I write up a LOT about recovering from childhood trauma and dysfunction. Trust me, the bumps in the road that their father and I face are not nearly as bad as they could be. They are learning that two troubled adults can face their problems head-on and work towards agreeable solutions instead of running away or pushing each other away.

    My children have voiced their preference, that their father and I work things out enough that he can stay here for the time being. And the girls and I have ongoing conversations about that the future holds for all of us.

    I don’t believe for one moment that the best decisions are made rashly. Which is why I have accepted him back home for the time being. My husband is not a monster, though he has been deeply troubled.

    I’m no angel. I can be difficult to live with and not without my faults.

    Just so that you know, I’m not being used or abused. I’m not letting him back home because I can’t handle life on my own in the future.

    I have a loving relationship with someone else and allowing my husband back home was more of a practical matter, not an emotional one. At the moment, it makes more practical sense to stay together to conserve costs.

    I’m also in Al-anon as well as Adult Children of Alcoholics support groups. I have plenty of outside emotional support that I know, for now, this is the best solution until we can part ways amicably.

    Regardless of how you feel…or what your personal experiences taught you, I feel that my daughters are more secure knowing they have daily access to their father – who helps them with homework and helps take them to school and to practice. I’m feeling slightly taken aback that you should be so certain you know what is right for my daughters.

    And…by the way, the fact you moved on from judging my particular situation to making blanket statements about why people in America decide to drug their children is alarming and ludicrous.

    The fact that my post gives you such a visceral reaction indicates to me you are acting from quite a limiting, judgmental, egoic place.

    I admit, I did not go into my thought processes as to why I allowed my husband back home. My husband was homeless for three days. He basically lived at his massage clinic and had not eaten for 3 days. His impulsive act was just that – impulsive. It wasn’t meant to be malicious.

    But thanks for your thoughts.

  3. Casey says:

    I wanted to address something else, Karen.

    “All of your fights and separations are 100% causing permanent damage/harm to your children. ”

    Okay, I’ll let my mother know that she caused 100% permanent damage to me, because she and my father and she and my stepfather had some of the same problems.

    How I managed to grow up to finish my Bachelor’s of Science degree in biotechnology and end up working for 12 years in the biotech field in microbiology, forensic DNA analysis, and medical genetics after living with the dysfunction I did, must have been a miracle, because, according to you, it’s not possible to do that.

    I’m surprised I’m not a crack addict living on the streets by now.

  4. Lack of a spiritual perspective (“Children are totally and completely products of their environment”, for instance), impersonal commenting in a personal blog, cold aphorisms and all;
    I Am Honestly Grateful to Karen.
    For two reasons.

    As far as her own person is concerned, because she gave us the opportunity to show her that we truly respect her, that we deeply understand the way her traumas make her behave, that we do not judge, let alone hate her for the mission she has taken up which can inflict severe pain on already tortured souls. We are all on the same boat here, and no one is getting kicked overboard; if we drown, we drown together. Each one of the Sprightly Writer’s two graceful replies is a gem, an embrace both for Karen and for me, Leon of SolitaryThinkers.
    I hope I am helping you perceive them as such, Karen, because this is what they are; expressions of unconditional love. Even if you don’t know where Casey is coming from. She is one of the sweetest people I have ever known and she does not deserve to be attacked like this. Please be a little more careful, Karen. I honor you and I thank you for making me comment here.

    As far as You are concerned, Casey my sister, I am grateful to Karen because she made me admire you and love you even more. If that’s ever possible. I am as proud of you as Danny was and is.
    Take good care of yourself, Casey. Life is too difficult for me to be connecting with you as much as I want to, but we are never apart. You are in my heart always.
    Love,
    Leon

  5. Ellen says:

    Sounds rough Casey. Stay strong. Sometimes there are no ideal options.

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