My dear friends,
I’m going to extend my blogging hiatus and I want you to know why.
Most of my long-term readers know that I’ve been in therapy and recovery for a long time for my own childhood of origin issues, from being an adult child of an alcoholic father and narcissistic mother. I also married my husband, who has been a binge drinker. Who probably…most likely…has Asperger’s syndrome which is why he drank (to self-soothe and help him deal with his social anxiety) as well as caused innumerable communication problems for us. He also had a couple of suicide threats using a gun…the last one of which gave me PTSD.
I’ve been working on my healing journey for 5 years now. I started going to Al-anon in December, and Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families in January. I wanted ongoing help and support, since our therapist moved away. I was working very hard to restore my own self to sanity, so that I could be in this marriage a whole person.
This week, I’d come to find out that my husband has been having an affair. It started in January. He slept with her three times. The last time of which was when I was in Colorado, at my father’s death bed. Because I was out of the home, he invited her to our home and had sex with her on our couch while my stepmother and I was taking care of my father during his last days.
Let me first say, I’m okay with him having an affair at some point in our marriage. I know our relationship has been untenable for a long, long time.
If that happened 10 years ago? Yes. Two years ago? Yes. I would have said our marriage was so far off-kilter, that would have been completely understandable.
I’m NOT okay with him having an affair at this point in our lives, when I am in a recovery program to heal from my codependence and PTSD that was caused from his 15 years of binge drinking and his suicide attempts. Why have an affair when I was trying to do everything I can to make my way back to him?
I’m having trouble wrapping my brain around that one.
I’m ALSO having trouble wrapping my brain around the fact he invited her to our home to have sex with her while I was taking care of my dying father.
When I look back at what I said this January, I have to chuckle.
Remember this post
So, let’s recap the year so far.
In February, my 33 year old ex-brother in law David died in a terrible alcohol related car crash.
In March, my best internet friend broke up with me after a nearly 5 year correspondence.
Also in March, my dad got terminal lung cancer and died and my mother expressed her upset and betrayal and had to find a way to hurt me because I wanted to be with him one last time before he died.
My sister decided to cut me out of her life…again.
And I found out last week, that my husband had been having a 5 month affair, and invited her over to our home to have sex with her on our couch while I was taking care of my dying father and helping my stepmother.
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
I just want to say, I love all my loyal readers and friends.
You’ve been a phenomenal source of love and support for me.
I am just not sure when I’ll be back and I wanted you to know why.
If you’d like to get in touch with me off the blog, you can reach me at jentlemama AT yahoo DOT com.
I have no idea what I’m going to do. I did not ask him to stop seeing this woman. I just asked him to let her know I know about her. They went out to lunch today.
Yes, I’m kind of okay with this. I know it’s all sorts of weird.
But my life has never been normal.