To fill the hours

I woke up again today.

You know what that means,

don’t you?

I get to push against great resistance

and dig deep into my imagination

to find the ways to fill the hours

made available to me

by your absence.

I get to stop brooding on

what went wrong and I get to

stop idealizing what went right.

This is the perfect test of personal growth:

to sit back and watch the drama unfold on

the screen of my mind.

And maybe I could do that,

if I were not kidding myself.

The dance resumes

between

Ego and Self;

between

pride and compassion;

between

grief and mirth;

between

hatred and love;

between

death and life.

The pendulum swings back and forth

with mesmerizing regularity.

And I’m not detached

from the maddening drama.

What will I choose

to fill the hours

made available to me

by your absence?

Casey 1.14.14

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About Casey

“the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes ‘Awww!’ ~ Jack Kerouac, On The Road Again
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