Life, death, fear and mistakes

I discovered that the Universe is talking to me, all the time, if only I will just pay attention.

I thought about something today:

Fear has interfered with my awareness.

I would like to wave a magic wand and not ever be afraid again. Alas, ego won’t easily have that.

I’m listening to some great stuff on audiotapes to work with that very thing – my fear.

I’m not afraid of death. I am not afraid of living.

I’m mostly afraid of making mistakes while I’m living that hurt me or people I love. Mostly because I make a lot of them. And then after making mistakes, these days I say, “it’s all right, I love you” to myself, like a mother would to her child who made a mistake. It’s the best I can do, for now.

As I understand it, for some, transformation to complete awareness is instantaneous; for others, transformation is gradual. I find myself in the latter camp. Either way, it’s all good. I’ll get there, someday. I know I will.

And I was gazing upon a stunning photograph created by fellow blogger Bert from who is bert?.  When I asked him how I could learn to make a photograph like that he said this:

you make a lot of mistakes … then use them for something

Well, golly, he’s right. I make a lot of mistakes, and I can use them for something.  What a perfect example of using our mistakes for something beautiful.

About the photograph he said:

this is the bark of a cherry tree
lit by a low winter sun
but completely defocussed
by the autofocus

I was reading yesterday from The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael Singer.   I have to share something from that book:

The lost soul is the consciousness that has dropped into the place where one human’s thoughts, emotions, and sensory perceptions of sound, taste, touch and smell are all synchronized.  All these messages come back to one spot.  Then the consciousness, which is capable of being aware of anything, makes the mistake of focusing on that one spot too closely.  When the consciousness gets sucked in, it no longer knows itself as itself.  It knows itself as the objects it’s experiencing.  In other words, you perceive yourself as these objects.  You think you are the sum of all your learned experiences.

What differentiates a conscious, centered being from a person who is not so conscious is simply the focus of their awareness.  It’s not a difference in the consciousness itself.  All consciousness is the same.  Just as all light from the sun is the same, all awareness is the same.  Consciousness is neither pure, nor impure; it has no qualities.  It’s just there, aware that it’s aware.  The difference is when your consciousness is not centered within, it becomes totally focused on the objects of consciousness.   When you are a centered being, however, your consciousness is always aware of being conscious.  Your awareness of being is independent of the inner and outer objects you happen to be aware of.

That’s just utterly intriguing to me.  To have read what I read, and said what I said, and have seen what I have seen, a concrete illustration of what can happen when you change the focus of consciousness.

Amazing, isn’t it?

About Casey

“the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes ‘Awww!’ ~ Jack Kerouac, On The Road Again
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4 Responses to Life, death, fear and mistakes

  1. That is a pretty incredible discription of the lost soul. I have never really thought about it like that. But as long as that discription is it’s pretty simple to understand. Very very interesting. Thank you for sharing!

    • Casey says:

      Single mama-

      Hi, thanks for replying.

      You are welcome. I thought it was a very interesting and apt description.

      The way psychology describes the same thing – that is, confusing self with objects – it sounds really, um…pathological…and only those people with severe issues have this confusion. I don’t think this is true. In the spirituality books I’ve been reading, the view is much more compassionate, AND inclusive. We ALL are susceptible to this confusion.

      How this translates to a practical application? I’m trying to be careful with language with my daughters. I to have my daughters use language to describe their intense feelings instead of acting them out. And I try to have them say “I feel mad” or “I feel sad” or “I’m feeling really frustrated” instead of “I am mad” or “I am sad” or “I am frustrated”. I feel the feeling, but I am not the feeling. Small change in words, big shift in meaning.

      I still catch myself sometimes saying I am happy. I am not happy…I feel happy. Our consciousness is neither happy nor sad. It’s neutral. It’s detached from the emotional drama that plays out in the inner and outer worlds. If you are in that centered space, you are no longer pushed and pulled by your own internal drama, or the outer one.

      When the consciousness is focused in the center of being, that’s where we find a true resting place. That’s nirvana.

      • Very interesting about the using the word “feel” I have never thought of it quite that way. But, in reality I am not happy or sad like you sad I am just feeling that way. I guess I have never thought about it that much. The last two sentences have really dwelt in my mind after I read them earlier.
        I would hope one day I can find true nirvana!

      • Casey says:

        I didn’t know about that either, until I started researching into attachment parenting and child development.

        I had to, because I didn’t know how to be a mother, though I know I had some nurturing instincts in me. I only knew what my own mother modeled and she was very emotionally unavailable and narcissistic and verbally, psychologically and sometimes physically abusive. I also lived with an alcoholic stepfather and our home was frequently explosive, during my teenage years.

        I have always been highly sensitive, partly due to my temperament, partly due to my exposure to and participation in dysfunction. I didn’t know then what I am learning now, that’s for sure.
        There had been some tough moments. My consciousness was very much caught up in both the external drama and internal drama. I developed Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, which led to adrenal fatigue. I really believe the development of Hashi’s (an autoimmune disorder) was triggered by my being immersed in the dramas playing outside and inside of me.

        Other people around me were drama queens and drama kings. Interestingly enough, I was rather addicted to other people’s drama all of my life. I thought it was because I wanted to help them. What I am now thinking is that it was because I didn’t want to face the mess inside my own self. This is the hallmark of codependency.

        I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to start my healing journey, but…as it was, I thought I was rather quite functional and had made a great career for myself. But my personal life had always been kind of messy. I want to clean it up. For myself, first, but also especially for my daughters.

        I am now facing my own self, with deep self-acceptance, compassion and care. I’m less focused on other people’s problems and more concerned with my own, and instead of being a peacemaker between other drama kings and queens, I am learning how to cultivate inner peace by learning to re-focus my consciousness where it really belongs.

        I didn’t know how to do that. Meditation is helping me a great deal in this regard. I’m feeling really good that I can reach a true resting place ALL the time – which is nirvana.

        Give meditation or yoga a try. There’s lots of different kinds of meditation. There’s lots of kinds of yoga. Some have said yoga IS meditation. So…either channel will work. There are some lovely guided meditations available these days. You can check out my Mindful Listening for Meditation and Healing tab above to see which kinds I’ve favored. Sometimes the library has the cd audiobooks. Sometimes you can find them on or

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