Deepening experience through yoga.

treepose

[Creative Commons photo by enthusiast_rocks ]

I want to share with you my experience last night in my yoga class.  I almost skipped it to go walking at a park, but I’m so glad I didn’t.

I really, really am so grateful I found my yoga class.

And I feel a deep, deep appreciation for my yoga instructor.  He’s in his 50s, I think.  Nice timbre to his voice, strong but gentle.

Half the time I feel I’m being guided by a really compassionate Buddhist type father figure.  The other half I felt like I was being made love to.  Is it weird to read that?  Let me clarify.

It’s not an intensely sexual feeling, but he did beckon us (the large group of us) to “surrender”.

It’s difficult not to feel loved on, in a way.  Some of the poses feel quite erotic to me.  When you are on your back and have your legs up in the air in a wide ‘V’, it’s rather difficult to not think of sex.

The poses make me feel my muscles and tendons are being stretched like taffy.  I push myself more to feel more of the ‘good’ kind of pain – the pain that says “here I am, I can feel that part way down there, I exist”.

My bones pop sometimes.   Just a single one in a hip or knee, or the “pop, pop, pop” of my vertebrae that makes me laugh out loud.

I am getting stronger and more flexible.

There’s always his soothing voice, guiding us through the poses and bringing our attention to our breath, to the warmth generated in our bodies and the openness of certain parts of us, reminding us that we are, indeed, alive.

He alternates the difficult poses with resting ones.

He gently guides us to deepen the poses.

As I get better at yoga, I feel more but it hurts less.

I know what my soul needs.  Gentleness and tenderness, kindness and compassion.  Openness and trust – both ways giving and receiving.

Surrender.

I’ll do what I can to honor my feelings I have for people.

And it is not shameful.

I’ll do more yoga to feel and sense more things in a safe way.

I feel what I feel for people and grow less self-conscious about it.

I know I am who I am.

In my head, I gave him some words of lovingkindness.

I know I love certain people almost instantly even if I don’t even talk to them.

I feel a kind of deep resonance that says, “I like who you are and enjoy spending meaningful time with you.”

I am grateful for those who touch my soul and make me glad to be human, as confusing and messy and tumultuous as it  can be sometimes.

Advertisements

About Casey

“the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes ‘Awww!’ ~ Jack Kerouac, On The Road Again
This entry was posted in Lovingkindness, Mindfulness, Safety, Soul, Spiritual Teacher, spirituality, Uncategorized, Yoga. Bookmark the permalink.

Would you like to share your thoughts? I'd love to hear them.

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s