I started the gratitude journal in April of this year in this post, called Altered Book Gratitude Art Journal. My gratitude journal is for me to focus on one thing and write about it. For me, its function is in part catharsis and healing for complex PTSD as well as cognitive reframing of some of the people/events in my life. My first entry was about my parents, and that no matter what problems they had, I wouldn’t be here without them.
My second entry is a conversation to my inner child. I found an old picture of me when I was about 6 or so, and I used gel medium to adhere it to the page. I’m fond of using two acrylic paints and a credit card for the background. It’s quick, easy and colorful and I don’t have to think too hard.
I made a frame around the picture using a black fine tip marker (a Pitt pen I think).
I’ve done a tremendous amount of research on trauma recovery and while I KNOW a lot of information, the actual healing process takes a lot longer than the information I can stuff into my head about it.
I’ll be 42 next month. I have a tremendous loss of energy, which saddens me. I used to be so energetic and outgoing. I realize, in part due to wonderful bloggers like Stoning Demons in her post about signs of long term abuse and psychological trauma that my loss of vitality is most likely a physical/endocrine response due to the dysfunctional family I had growing up and the marital strains my husband and I encountered with some of his drinking patterns and some of my own bad choices.
I have Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, an autoimmune disorder, and for me, it basically means my formerly 6 cylinder engine is struggling along on 4 cylinders. I’m still pretty mentally sharp, just feel exhausted too often.
I’m currently untreated, yet if ever one of us finds employment, I’ll probably go to get synthroid. For now, I’m self-managing with vitamin B complex, Nordic Naturals fish oil, and, after following the links for that Stoning Demons post, decided to add l-theanine, an amino acid found in small amounts in tea which supposedly helps anxiety, insomnia and depression. I get anxiety only sometimes, insomnia every few months, but mood swings depression is something I regularly deal with.
I took one capsule yesterday and while I can’t be sure if I’ll see improvements in overall well-being, I can say I had the most interesting dream last night and I actually remembered it this morning in pretty great detail, something I rarely do.